There is a definite chill in the air lately and I have a feeling we won’t be turning the A/C on again until next year.  It’s cool enough that opening the window works just as well, and makes the cats happier.  My office, however, is more than chilly and I will be pulling the space heater out sooner than I’d like.  It is October, though.  How is it October?  It seems like just yesterday we were in our pajamas having an impromptu water fight on the deck on a random Saturday morning… but, I guess that was a couple of months ago already.

When you’re a kid, time just crawls and then suddenly it starts passing so quickly you can barely catch your breath. I’m an introvert, so introspection is just par for the course, but I’m uncertain as to whether it’s just the impending winter blues or something else that has me lost in thought and procrastinating so greatly and having anxiety over how little time there is and what I should be doing with this time.  Of course worrying about what I should be doing means I get nothing done at all, so it’s not exactly productive.  I’m in one of those states where I want to do something, but I’m not sure what exactly and just feel tired and decide it’s not worth it to worry about it now and put it off and then keep putting it off.  While taking a break from a schedule was nice, I think I should probably get back into some kind of routine again rather than just winging it every morning/evening. Oh, but that first step is always so hard.

Actually, it would be less hard if I could stop falling asleep when putting the kiddos to bed and if I could get started on more things before 8:30.  It’s hard to convince myself to workout at 8:30pm and even if I wanted to in the morning, I have a difficult time prying Phoebe off of me to allow me to do so.  Sleep is hard to find lately, and I have to remind myself that it’s all temporary.  One day the bed will feel empty without two small bodies snuggling closely together or to whichever parent is nearest.  I can’t help but smile when I crawl into bed and see Phoebe draped across her brother and at least one or two cats purring happily.

I’m not sure if it will ever feel like time is slowing down again, though, so I suppose I’ll have to get used to the feeling that I can’t always keep up, or continue to try and simplify our lives more in the hopes that it will give us more time.

I’ve discovered that parenting is sort of like dancing.  You’ve got everything from classical, structured choreography to a more impromptu freestyle.   Personally, I’m not much of a dancer, so this metaphor may seem silly to use, but in a way it makes sense to me.  With Enzo I read so many books and felt unprepared for children since it was a completely new experience, but there were also so many different ways to do everything and all of the information was downright overwhelming.  As time progressed it became obvious that I didn’t fit into a specific mold or type of parent, and the more I stopped looking at parenting sites and just trusted my own judgment, the less stressful it became.

I’ve never been good when it comes to learning dance steps, and while some people might feel more comfortable sticking with a structured way of dancing (or parenting), it just doesn’t work for me.  If I am going to dance, I might as well look like a fool and do what makes me feel happy.  In turn, I don’t really care anymore what other moms think of how we parent and for a while I cared too much.  I wanted to avoid judgment and that’s just silly and impossible.  Unfortunately there will always be at least one person who thinks they have a right to make someone else feel bad and the only thing I can control is how I respond to their negativity.  No one is perfect and there is no right way or wrong way to parent as long as a child is loved and safe and happy.

I realize this comes out of the blue, but I’ve seen so much negativity lately online and out and about.  It’s a frightening prospect that people feel very secure in their anonymity online and give no thought to saying hateful things to complete strangers. What ever happened to “If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all?”  So what if you don’t like how someone is dressed or a mom is bottle-feeding her baby?  How exactly does that hurt anyone?  It’s just baffling to me.

Thankfully, I haven’t run into too much of this in my own life, but there have been moments that were thankfully mild compared to what I’ve seen other people deal with.  Maybe I just get it out there right now…

I’m Heather.  I shop too much and need to lose my baby belly flab.  I could exercise and eat healthier, but I love donuts and sitting on my butt in the evenings drinking wine more than a flat tummy.  I formula fed my kids, we bed-share, babywear when they want to, and let our kids watch TV.  I’m the mom who sometimes lets her kids walk into day care with a sucker because I just needed to get out the door and didn’t have time for a tantrum that would make me late for work again. Sometimes we eat organic and sometimes we order pizza… a lot of pizza.  I don’t give my kids soda, but they drink juice and I don’t make them eat their vegetables.

I could go on and on (I won’t), but should you find yourself stumbling upon my blog and feel like I’m not your kind of person, feel free to just stroll on by. I wish you well, and hope you can do the same for me.

Happy Friday everyone!