Category Archives: family

The Highly Sensitive Person (or parent)

It was around Thursday on our trip that Enzo’s tantrums started to get extreme – some of the worst he’s ever had, and that night was not an easy one. Friday night would prove to be even worse, but we won’t get into it. We were all tired and both kids were just ready to get home to their own beds. This isn’t the first time we’ve encountered major mood swings with Enzo, though.

When Josh used to have to travel for work, if he was gone for longer than 3 days, Enzo would start to get really cranky and start having more intense tantrums than usual. He’s always had intense emotions, and that’s when I started looking into whether or not he’s a Highly Sensitive Child at the suggestion of a coworker. It turns out he may take after me, as I definitely have the characteristics of a Highly Sensitive Person (I scored 20/27).

“A highly sensitive child is one of the fifteen to twenty percent of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything. This makes them quick to grasp subtle changes, prefer to reflect deeply before acting (hmm… maybe not so much), and generally behave conscientiously. They are also easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation, sudden changes, and the emotional distress of others. Because children are a blend of a number of temperament traits, some HSCs are fairly difficult–active, emotionally intense, demanding, and persistent–while others are calm, turned inward, and almost too easy to raise except when they are expected to join a group of children they do not know. But outspoken and fussy or reserved and obedient, all HSCs are sensitive to their emotional and physical environment.” The Highly Sensitive Child

Granted, we could be completely wrong (there are some things on the checklist that are not him at all), but it seems to make some sense considering his moods get very extreme when there are major changes in his environment and he often gets very upset over seemingly small things. It’s definitely tricky because he’s also at an age where most toddlers/pre-schoolers often have tantrums over random things and can easily be set off by hunger or not enough sleep, so my biggest question is what is considered “normal” and what would be considered “extreme.”

I have definitely discovered a lot about myself in just the past week, though, and have come to realize that quite often Enzo and I set each other off because we both feed off each other’s emotions and are often sensitive to the same things, but react in different ways. As an HSP, I can definitely say that the hardest part of parenting for me is the crying/screaming. I am very sensitive to loud noises and they make me very uncomfortable. At times, such as the past week, they are unbearable and that is when I tend to lose it and become slightly irrational and fly off the handle and I hate to say it, but basically have my own tantrums. So his tantrum sets me off, then my reaction sets him off some more. It’s taking a long time to try and figure this all out. Almost every day lately he has at least one bad tantrum. I’ve been able to stay mostly calm for the past couple days, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Little Phoebe gets so upset when she sees her brother upset and it breaks my heart that he is struggling with his emotions and the world around him right now. So…

We are starting therapy/counseling. I’m not an expert, but it does seem like something is off, and there must be a better way to parent him. I know you should never compare your children, but when I look at the difference between Enzo’s tantrums at 15-16 months and Phoebe’s… there’s a definite difference. I would love to be able to help teach Enzo how to calm down in the moment and not let so many things upset him, so we’re (Josh and I) going to do whatever we can to learn how to communicate better between the two of us and in turn figure out the best way to help our kiddo.

(At 16 months old)

That being said, it’s not all bad being a highly sensitive person. I found several websites that focus on the advantages of being highly sensitive rather than the difficulties, and it’s always nicer to hear the positive than the negative, right?

The ability to concentrate deeply
Notice subtleties
Good at tasks requiring attention, accuracy and speed
Able to process material at deeper levels
Able to learn something new without being aware of learning it.
Highly conscientious
Highly empathetic
Creative/Visionary
Intuitive
Soulful/Spiritual

In reality, being highly sensitive is something I consider a strength overall. We all have something we struggle with and have to work at, so my “curses” are just something I have to learn to deal with, and if Enzo is truly the same, we’ll have to learn how to cope and work together. We can’t go through life avoiding everything that makes us uncomfortable or challenges us (and boy does parenting ever challenge you at times).

Links

http://introvertdear.com/2014/10/18/highly-sensitive-person-advantages/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-wachter/advantages-of-being-highl_b_6141146.html

http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/beyondblue/2010/03/5-gifts-of-being-highly-sensit.html

http://coachingwithchristina.com/12-benefits-of-being-a-highly-sensitive-person/

California Dreamin’ Part 2

Wednesday was the warmest day of our trip, and we started the day off with a walk. The kids were waking up around 5:30-6:00 each morning, so around 9:00-10:00, Phoebe was generally ready for a little nap. Enzo got to play on a playground and tip toe in the sand while I found shade and let our lady nap on my back.

Wednesday was also the day that Josh and I went whale watching courtesy of my mom and step-dad. We went on a catamaran, which promised to have a really smooth ride that would cause less seasickness, and only held about 6 people. I loved it. There were a few moments where I felt a little fear creep in (hello, out in the ocean on a tiny boat), but overall really enjoyed it. It was a gorgeous day.

Josh also enjoyed it, but more so after he puked and was done being seasick. While the great thing about a catamaran is that you don’t have as many people on the boat, we also didn’t quite as close to the whales as I would have liked and it was really hard to get pictures with the constant movement. It was still an amazing experience, though, and a beautiful day. We were also lucky to have a great captain and friendly passengers with some really good conversations that got me thinking… a lot.

Thursday morning brought more exploring, and yummy coffee and treats, but also made it apparent that Enzo was definitely missing his routines and was not getting enough sleep. Phoebe was able to still get her naps in just fine, but Enzo has always been harder to get to sleep anywhere but his bed.

Since the kids had gone to the beach the previous day while we were whale watching, we thought Thursday would be another good day to stay close by and venture out to the pool. Phoebe was not a fan of the water (it was a tad chilly) and while Enzo did dip his feet, stood on the steps, and let us hold him briefly in the water, he decided that his dream to swim like a turtle could be put off for a while.

With Enzo’s mood being a little off, we found it best to just enjoy the nearby beaches and fantastic weather and just walk around. Both kids preferred being able to walk everywhere instead of driving around, so the California weather made both of them very happy. Phoebe could often be found running to the door demanding to go somewhere and now knows exactly what “outside” means.

Granted, while there was plenty of time outside, they also made themselves perfectly at home in the rental condo. We actually rented some things from Toddler’s Travels to make things just a tad easier (booster seats for eating at home, some toys, bed safety rails, etc.). While we could have probably managed without, it really did make things easier and was totally worth it.

On Friday we went to visit with Randy’s parents – one broken duck and lots of yummy snacks later we headed to a park for Enzo and kind of played the rest of the day by ear. Our little traveler Phoebe probably would have been up for anything, but poor Enzo was just still not himself after lack of sleep and a disturbed routine. Saturday brought a busy morning of packing and tidying up, but thankfully we were able to sleep in for quite a while.

We made it through security in great time – hardly any lines anywhere only to find that our flight was delayed half an hour, which thankfully gave us even more time to have lunch and get some wiggles out. The gates next to ours were completely empty so the kids were free to run and run and run.

The flight home definitely felt longer than the flight to California, but only because Phoebe couldn’t quite get comfortable. Enzo fell asleep on my lap, so of course as soon as that happened, Phoebe decided she needed to be on my lap and we had to keep her from throwing a tiny tantrum and kicking her brother. Josh ended up walking her around a bit and we did what we could to keep her happy. No one was happy when we felt that first bit of cold weather, but we all managed to make it home and get to bed at mostly reasonable hours. The week since has been interesting, but we’re doing what we can to get things back to normal. Vacation is always so hard to come back from.

California Dreamin’ Part 1

Despite being gone for 5 nights we really didn’t take all that many photos during our trip, so I’ve got a jumble of photos from both of our phones and cameras and pictures were taken by both Josh and I and a couple of other random people. Off we go!

The trip got off to an interesting start. We left the house surprisingly on time and were all happily on our way when about halfway there Enzo started making whimpering sounds, so I turned around and asked if he was okay only to have him say that his tummy hurt. Just as I was about to ask him something else, he vomited. Quite a bit. Of course I had just cleaned out the car and had absolutely nothing on hand to help him out and we now had to find a gas station as fast as possible to clean him up. I had a few wipes, but that wasn’t going to do it. I also only had a short sleeve shirt as backup for him because we were headed to California and usually I don’t have to worry about backup clothes for him. Did I also mention that he had thrown up on the only hoodie/jacket we had brought with us? Also, the gas station we stopped at? No paper towels in the bathroom. We finally got him cleaned up as much as possible and changed (I gave him my hoodie) and did our best to clean up his car seat with Subway napkins. He seemed okay, so off we went.

About 5-10 minutes later, he started crying again. I turned around and in a panic looked for anything that he could throw up in… I grabbed his winter hat. It might have worked had he not tried to block his mouth with his hand and had he not projectile vomited everywhere. I really started to panic now. Was he sick? Were we going to miss our flight? If he was sick were we going to be awful parents and make him get on a plane? We stopped again and this time I had to get into the luggage in the trunk. We did the best we could to yet again clean everything up and continued on our way once Enzo happily got back in the car. He no longer looked pasty and seemed to be in good spirits. We got to the airport, got to cut in line at security, made it in time to use the bathroom and then hopped on our flight. (This may be my wordiest post yet!)

The kids really did great on the flight. Enzo looked out the window now and then, but really just though it was awesome to watch a movie on his little DVD player with his own headphones. Also, they thought the beverage service and pretzels and cookies were kind of fabulous. I brought plenty of snacks and activities to keep them busy, but even though Phoebe was bored she wasn’t fussy – just squirmy, and then about halfway through the flight she settled down for a nap.

My mom and step-dad met us at the airport and then it was a matter of getting our rental minivan, getting the kids (and adults food) and then getting settled in our rental condo, which was within walking distance of the grandparents’ condo. 😉 We stayed close to home the day we arrived and the next day as well. Did some driving/exploring and picked up some necessities for the kiddos. The weather was amazing! Beyond amazing!

Enzo really wanted to be adventurous and keep walking, but was still pretty nervous about how high up we were and felt more comfortable being held. I was a tad nervous as well… heights are not my favorite. Ha ha.

Phoebe was asleep in the car, so our family portrait is incomplete. You know what they say, though… never wake a sleeping baby.

She did wake up in time to go see some sea lions, and more importantly (to her) lots of pelicans and seagulls.

Short sleeves in February? Yeah, that might be enough to make me move. Part 2 next week! We went whale watching and we pretty much confirmed that Enzo is a Highly Sensitive Child. That is a whole different post, though.

Legos and Development

Legos are one of those timeless toys. I have fond memories of a little red Lego case, and even now we have a pretty good collection of them, but they haven’t seen the light of day in quite a while because they are potential death traps aka choking hazards. Enzo has finally gotten to enjoy the awesomeness of these little building blocks, though, and he rather enjoyed it.

Phoebe was napping when the boys pulled out the blocks, so we crossed our fingers she’d sleep long enough to create one or two things before they’d most likely need to put away. She’s still in that stage that requires everything be tasted and carried around in her mouth.

I admit, I wasn’t sure how interested Enzo would be, but he did really well following the instructions with some pointers from Josh. We know they’re working on sitting still and listening in pre-school, so we’re trying to focus on that a bit at home… sort of. Okay, mostly we just fail at that, and it’s a good thing we only have 2 kids otherwise I can’t even imagine the kind of chaos we’d have then.

We do need to work on a few things in the evening and on the weekend, though. Honestly, I have no idea what he “should” know at this age, so I looked it up quickly and it seems like he’s well on track (and ahead considering the list I looked up was for 3-4 year olds and not 2-3 year olds. I suppose I should bookmark his next developmental milestones just so we know what we should work on this upcoming year – we kept track of that when he was younger, so we probably should now too. :p I guess that’s the great thing about day care and also the bad thing. He learns so much at day care, but working full time leaves us with so little time to spend with them on the weekends that we don’t always focus on educational or even crafty things very often because when we’re not hanging out with them we’re tidying up or cooking or doing various things that need to be done. It’s definitely made me start to rethink priorities lately and makes me realize we need some shortcuts in our lives so that our free time with the kids isn’t wasted. I’d much rather have more time to play and explore rather than clean and whatever other boring adult-like things we must do.

First night away…

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Florida right now and it’s bright and very, very quiet. Too quiet. I’d turn on the TV, but is there ever anything good on in the afternoon? I don’t remember as we haven’t had cable for a long time. I’m watching the clock and I know that Josh is on his way to pick up the kiddos and while most people would probably be out exploring and enjoying the quiet… I just feel a tad lonely. I’m not used to having an evening alone without rowdy chaos, you know? I think one of my coworkers has plans, and the other, I’m not sure. Like me, she’s quiet and introverted as well. Anyway, what better time to share a few December pics that I haven’t yet!

It’s hard to believe that it’s already almost February. We’ve had a remarkably mild winter, so it hasn’t felt as long as usual. Still, it’s 72 degrees where I am now, so perhaps in between slightly boring insurance convention classes/workshops tomorrow I’ll sneak out and step into the warm sunshine for a bit. I’ll at least make an attempt to not miss my family on a ridiculous level and wonder what they’re doing and if the kiddos miss mama or not. I’ll hope that Phoebe goes easy on her daddy and doesn’t pull one of her “Mama only or I’ll scream until I wake my brother up” cries in the middle of the night.

Will I sleep better than I have in a long time tonight? Maybe. Part of me says I will because there won’t be a monitor next to my head where every tiny little cough or movement wakes me up, but then part of me wonders if I won’t just subconsciously be listening for tiny baby snores and will wake up in a panic when I don’t hear any other sounds in a dark empty room. Ack, being a mama is harder than I ever thought it would be. It’s nice, though, to have someone to miss. I wouldn’t trade it for the world and maybe this little break is exactly what I need to really appreciate just how much I love those stinkers (husband included), rough days and all.

Dino and Bunnies

Every day adventures